Oh feck off!

The title of this post is just what I would like to say to the world, I do bite my tongue and speak/type in the manor I should... but if I could, I'd just say feck off, leave me alone, go away.... take your advice and shove it up your....

This is day 5 of extremely high pain and exhaustion, my tolerance level has depleted to practically nil, I'm spending alot of time crying at the moment. I'd normally retreat to bed where I'd be left alone, but I'm trying to do everything differently as retreating never seemed to make me feel 'better' it just made everyone at home aware of how poorly I felt.
I even went to Slimming world last night, I put my I'm fine mask on and off I went. Ive become so good at pretending, I can look in the mirror and even I wouldnt know what was going on behind the mask! I cried with relief when I got home.
I enjoyed being there, I love the fact that I went alone, I loved the atmosphere  (home isn't great right now, probably my fault, it normally is...) but it was nice to just be out.

I hate that this post is so low... nothing upbeat or funny, but I'm not in the right place for that. I don't think I've felt so low in a long time, maybe it is just that Christmas has taken its toll, and I will recover in a few days, I hope so.
Being so miserable isn't my true nature, so I'm sorry if your reading this and your finding it depressing.

I'm not reading this back, so if it's just a massive ramble of moans I apologise.

I look like crap too... lupus 'butterfly' rash is really itchy and sore, swollen eyes.... Urgh. ... 😢