The consequences of happiness.

Yes, yes, I know that's a depressing title.... but it's the truth!

Christmas week,  I ran about the week before, getting everything ready for visitors, sorting things out for the kids, if I wasn't shopping, I was wrapping, if I wasn't doing that I was out with Mitch at one social event or another.

I loved being out, I hurt yeah, but I didn't care, I pushed through adding some alternative pain relief to my diet. I kept going right through to Christmas eve. My little one, who is a bit vulnerable right now, went off to his dad's. I worry about him so much when I can't see him, this might have been what pushed me over the edge, I don't know.
I did the things we normally do on Christmas morning, then that was it, my body just said no, no more moving, reaching, talking, listening, no more, just no. I'm used to this, this is my normal, but other people don't understand. ... "you were fine yesterday" No, I wasn't,  but I'm very good at pretending I am!

This thing 'fibromyalgia' is unpredictable, because one day I can do things, even if they hurt, but the next day, or hour, or week I can not. I always try, but pure bloody minded will power isn't always enough.

Yesterday I was supposed to be hosting an open house kinda thing, in actual fact my partner had to go solo, I was huddled up in the lounge hurting, heating pads, tens machine, the lot... every pain easing device in my arsenal was in use.
At some point I decided float in the hot tub would be a good idea, it was....until I fell out of it arse over elbow!

So here I am, legs a multitude hues of blue, in a world of pain that I can't ease.

I think there should be enough recovery time in order to half kill myself celebratin the new year... all with a smile!

I don't fake being sick, I fake being well....

I'm back!

Firstly I'm sorry I've not written, I've been looking to myself for answers, finding myself again I guess.
Fibromyalgia,  or any other chronic pain condition can take over... you can very easily loose yourself and become your condition. I think I found it easier to just let myself be " Ria, you know the poorly one"

Anyway, I decided to not be that person,  I know I will never be Ria pre Fibro, but I can be better than I am.
I can eat well for starters, feeding myself good food!

I joined a local hotel spa/gym, I am now swimming x3 a week, managing about 50 lengths a time! I know!!! First time I went I did 11 and was chuffed to bits ☺but I'm pushing, pushing hard. Often I don't want to go, it's actually the dressing and undressing that is the most daunting! But I do it, pootling along at my own pace, taking a small break every ten lengths,  it's hard going... I could very easily just lie on my back and float around, but I need to do this... I need to see if this pushing will make a difference long term.
At the moment it feels like it's bloody killing me, I hurt more than I ever have before, I'm exhausted. But I'm carrying on. If it turns out it doesn't help, I will stop, but I'm giving it a good go... I thought six months, that way everyone that feels they have the answer to my illness can sod off! Hahaha...

I've also bought a watch activity tracker type thing, it monitors my sleep, or lack there of! My sleep cycle is terrible, for every hour I am asleep as little as 5 mins of that is what's called restful (restorative) sleep, I rarely sleep for more than 4.5 hours, so I'm surviving on 25 mins of restful sleep a night! I found that my best sleep period for that restful sleep is between 6 and 10 am,  so on the weekend I'm trying to make sure I don't get woken by anyone!

On top of everything else, My Mr and I have set a date for our Wedding/Handfasting, so I'm increadably excited and busy looking at ideas, this will be a DIY affair as I hate to waste thousands of pounds on one day!

If I don't write again this week, have a very Merry Christmas if your in the UK/Europe. Happy Holidays for everyone else!

                                          Mr & Me Kingswood Summer Ball 2015